


To Be With or Without You

by centroid



Category: Phan
Genre: Hurt, M/M, Unrequited Love, fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-14 23:17:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4583898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/centroid/pseuds/centroid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You just fuck everything up, don’t you. You like to. We- Dan, we are a brand name. You don’t get Dan without Phil, and you don’t get Phil without Dan. You can’t just go around fucking up."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To Be With or Without You

Phil slammed the door behind him, the sound echoing around the two. “I cannot believe you! You- you always do this!” Phil fumed. He never usually got angry, but it terrified Dan when he did. 

“I’m sorry Phil, I didn’t mean to, it just slipped!” Dan took a shuddering breath, standing on shaking feet. Phil paced through the apartment, the brunette trailing behind him like a lost puppy.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you? You see something you can fuck up, and you just do it, don’t you?” Phil slammed his hands on the counter, looking up at Dan with fire in his eyes. They were not filled with lust, compassion or care, they were filled with heat that would burn Dan. “I told you not to let swears slip, I told you not to press the wrong buttons! I fucking told you not to let your mood show! We work there, Dan, you can’t just go swearing and taking your anger out on co-workers!” Phil was towering above Dan- even with the distance between them. The younger felt small, naive and insignificant. “You just fuck everything up, don’t you. You like to. We- Dan, we are a brand name. You don’t get Dan without Phil, and you don’t get Phil without Dan. You can’t just go around fucking up, Dan.” Phil stalked around, opening cabinet doors, shutting them- just to distract himself from his anger. “Do you even think about me when you fuck up?” Phil finished, turning to Dan with his hair tossed back.

This statement cracked Dan, because- was that a question anymore?

“Do I think about you? Do I ever think about you. How fucking blind are you? I can’t concentrate, 24 fucking 7 because my mind is constantly on you. I think about how every move affects you. I’m sorry, Phil. I’m sorry, I’m a fuck up, I’m sorry I can’t do normal people things. I’m fucking sorry,” Dan breathed, trying to formulate his words before they slipped off his tongue. He was always bad at that. “that I’m so in love with you that I can’t do anything-” Dan cut himself off, slapping his hands over his mouth to shut himself up. He slid down the wall, body wracking with silent sobs. 

Phil was never supposed to know.

Phil knows.

Dan only realized he was crying when his hands were wet. He looked up to Phil, to be met with wide eyes, agape jaw, and head posed back some- making him have a couple more chins. It would have made Dan laugh in other situations, if disgust wasn’t eminent (only to Dan did it look like disgust) on Phil’s features. 

Dan scrambled to stand, messily leaning on the wall with his hands. His mind was racing- please let this be a nightmare, please. “I-I’m sorry, Phil. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t, I know I’m- I’m fucked up. Oh god I’m fucked.” Dan trailed, turning to race into the bathroom. Once there, he shut the door hastily, like the demons following him couldn’t get in if he was fast enough. He slid down the door once again- it struck him how often he’s been doing that lately- curling in on himself, he rocked back and forth, self hatred seeping into his marrow. 

Naive.

Fuck up.

Incredulous. 

Dan didn’t hear the knocks on the door over his sobs, the calls of his name standing alone in the hall. 

All he knew is that he woke up in his bed, encased in warm arms.


	2. Questions are a Matter of Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Either way, we’re both wrong, and I’m sorry. Now can we talk?” Phil asked gently, invitingly and hopefully.  
> Dan urgently nodded, as much as his heart was pounding in his chest, he wanted to see what Phil had to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as requested, here is chapter 2 of To Be With or Without You, Questions are a Matter of Mind.

The light intruding his eyes was enough to make him want to roll over, but once he felt the arms wrapped around his torso, he froze.

Everything from the night before came rushing back, and he cupped a hand over his mouth in disbelief.

‘ _Please let it be a dream_.’ He thought as he turned over in the arms, to reveal a sleeping Phil next to him.

‘ _What happened after I ran into the bathroom?_ ’

His questions were soon to be answered, Phil shifting in his sleep. Dan silently cursed himself for rolling over, he could have faked sleep until Phil had woken up and (hopefully) left the room, so he could wallow in his own self pity for the remainder of the day. He supposed he could just pretend he was asleep too, but he didn't think he could pull it off, not with his mind this rattled.

Dan’s only reaction when Phil slowly opened his eyes was to freeze like a deer about to be hit. His whole body went rigid and his eyes were bugged out in a humorous way. Phil would have been smiling, but he knew the situation was serious.

He never knew Dan thought that way about him, and he really didn’t think he was the reason Dan was messing up at work all the time.

Hell, even the fans saw it, but he didn’t listen.

“Dan” Phil started to say, but Dan thought it was going to a be a lecture, scolding and make him feel even more humiliated than he already did. Dan pulled out of Phil’s arms, _He didn’t know why they were around him in the first place._ ****

_That’s basically teasing when Phil was going to reject him._

Standing, Dan started to ramble. “Hey, I’m sorry about last night, I was being stupid. I promise not to let it get in the way of work. I’ll give you space, Hell I won’t talk to you if you don't want me to.” He was about to go on, but a hand caught his.  
****

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. You weren’t being stupid, I was. I was being insensitive, I yelled at you without listening to any reasoning you wanted to explain. And you not talking to me is the last thing in the world I want to happen.” Phil confessed, and he didn’t miss the blush that spread across Dan’s cheeks.

“No, I’m the one letting my personal life interfere with my work.” Dan mumbled, turning his head to face the wall opposite to Phil.

“Either way, we’re both wrong, and I’m sorry. Now can we talk?” Phil asked gently, invitingly and hopefully.

Dan urgently nodded, as much as his heart was pounding in his chest, he wanted to see what Phil had to say. Dan sat down at the edge of the bed, facing the headboard.

“Why did you run away?” Phil gently said. “You never gave me the chance to react.”

“I thought you were disgusted with me… Looking back on it- your face was more of surprise…” Dan had already looked down, his eyes glued to his hands wringing together. “But i read it wrong and I overreacted. I never wanted you to know.”

“Why not?” Phil questioned.

“Because it’s pretty obvious you don’t feel the same.” Dan mumbled, looking up to Phil with a hard face, numb to anything Phil could say.

“Who said that?” Phil questioned with a smile on his face.

“Me.”

“Well, coming from me, you’re wrong about that.” Phil said, beaming when the look of utter shock was presented all over Dan’s features. “Now come here.”

Dan obliged, sinking back down into Phil’s mattress, once again being encased in warm arms, this time facing the one of his affections.

Phil hugged Dan to his chest, inhaling the scent of ‘warm’ as he put it. “Again, I’m really sorry. I shouldn't have been insensitive. I should have just asked you what was wrong.” Phil breathed out easily, opening his blue (+ green and yellow) eyes to meet the brown ones he loved to much. A smile made its way to Phil’s lips, and it was returned by the brunette.

Dan leaned in to plant a small kiss onto Phil’s lips, before shuffling down and fitting his head right under Phil’s own. (with a smile on his face.)

A soft sigh left Dan’s lips while a low hum slipped off Phil’s tongue.

**Little did they know what the future would grow for them.**


End file.
